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Less Get and More Give

January 31, 2020

By Tami VanHoy


Less Get - More Give


It’s a simple 3 letter word, but it can complicate our mindset without us even realizing it. We use it without thinking about it – habitually, not intentionally.

Why does this simple word have the power to drive a negative mindset? Simply this… we don’t have the power to make people do things.

• We can’t GET people to do…
• We can’t GET people to respond…
• We can’t GET people to buy…
• We can’t GET people to join…

We only have the power to influence our own behavior.

To flip a ‘get’ mindset, we must flip our word choice – and the opposite of get is give.


• We can GIVE people options to reach goals and do…
• We can GIVE people information to respond to…
• We can GIVE people solutions to buy…
• We can GIVE people opportunities to join…

They can choose to take them… or not.

Even when we don’t use the word ‘get’ in our verbal communications, when it’s in our thoughts or mindset, it comes across in our emotional language and even our body language.

I may not be saying with my words ‘I need to get you to….’, but I may be thinking it.


GETTING: When our mindset is getting someone to do something (get a result / get a sale / get …), it comes across in our emotional language as desperation. This causes the people we are communicating with to feel like they are being used, not served – or – manipulated, not heard.

GIVING: When our mindset is that we are giving something (giving opportunity / giving solutions / giving information), the desperation is replaced with connection.

People we are communicating with feel served and heard. They lose the feeling that we need them to answer, act or respond in a specific way so we get a result that fills our own needs over theirs.

In addition, when our mindset is shifted from ‘get’ to ‘give’, we lose the internal sense of desperation that flows from feeling that we are constantly failing.

GETTING: When our mindset is that we expect to get (results/sales/actions) out of people, we set ourselves up to feel like we fail over and over.

We don’t have the ability to make people ‘do’ anything –
but our ‘get’ mindset says we have not been successful
until we ‘get’ people to ‘do’ what we are ‘telling’ them to do –
we are always falling short of our expected result.


GIVING: A ‘give’ mindset sets us up to feel successful over and over. We are in control of giving, not getting.

• We are in control of whether we give information or not.
• We are in control of whether we give ideas or not.
• We are in control of whether we give solutions or not.

When we give – we are successful.

Now the ball is in the court of the receiver.

Their reciprocating actions do NOT determine our sense of success. We are already successful because we acted!

Do Something On Purpose Today...
Here are a few self-coaching questions to help with a giving mindset...

Pay attention to your ‘get/give’ mindset.

When working with people, ask yourself if you are expecting to ‘get’ a result from them or if you are just there to ‘give’.

Listen to yourself. How often do you hear yourself say (or write) things like:
• I can’t get her to…
• I can’t get people to…

Use ‘get’ as a trigger word to remind yourself to switch to a ‘giving’ mindset.

About Tami

Tami VanHoy, Director of Field Development at pawTree LLC, is passionate about helping people sift through chaotic lives and cluttered minds to find the focus they desire & live every day on purpose with passion. Because... life is better when we live with our hearts on fire vs our hair on fire!  
Tami is loved by her husband, 4 children, and 5 grandchildren (so far!). When at home, you’ll often find her Shih Tzu, Muffin, snuggled up in her lap while she writes.